June 26, 2011

This blogging thing is awesome. Ok so here is what happened. I received a phone call, e-mail and numerous text messages from the German guy I left, (the one that broke my heart). As strange as it sounds it was nice to hear from him but I think he wanted to do more then text nicely or chat nicely. For starters I was angry because I am a lady that still loves him deeply but that whole concept of x-rated chat or sexting blew my mind. Reason is... I haven't spoke to him or had contact with him since Easter (I mailed cards to his kids, which I was very close to) Now he contacts me only because I mailed his oldest a birthday card. What is wrong withh this picture? He tells me that he loves me, misses me, and wants to make love to me.. but he doesn't want to have an exclusive realationship with me. When I asked why he said because he needs to get his life on track and since the ex-wife was awarded like I everything in the divorce settlement he has no money, no life and nothing to offer me. He also mentioned that he wanted his "own" house and that I could live with him, so that way I couldn't kick him out. Ok I get I hurt you, but move on from this, like I would ever do that again! Now like I said in my 1st entry I moved in with my ex-husband, not one of the smartest things I've ever done, needless to say I was desperate! So yesterday, my ex-husband and I go for a drive to return a DVD and I ask him why are you with me? Why did you move me out here with you? He really only had one response "I'm a nice guy." I just laughted and said I can move out or go back the the state I left, he said "No. Not now because I have a lease & I need your help to pay the rent. I said " Well, I am not even employed right now so you're paying all the bills." He was like "Yeah, and maybe the landlord will let us out of the lease if we give a 30 days notice." Call me crazy, but what the hell was I thinking when I left Thomas and moved 300+ miles to live with my ex? As I blog this to everyone, again I am thinking about moving back to my home state and trying to live on my own with my kids, who really don't care where we are just as long as I am happy. Now I sit and think... What will make me happy? I am a 38 y.o high school graduate with alot of accounting experience, but no degree. I wonder how much money do I need to make to support 2 teens and live in a nice area. My dream has always been to go to college, but I can't afford to be a single parent and not work. So I am back to thinking if I am going to move out and try living on my own I need to just find a job and make the best of it.